It's probably ridiculous, to be so flustered by a pet name. No, it's definitely ridiculous, S thinks, that hearing J call him darling feels so painfully intimate when he's got three of J's fingers inside him, but it's true all the same, making his thoughts short-circuit before he can try to formulate a response. On one hand, he can see how it sort of makes sense. Sex is just sex. Except it's never been just sex with J, and he's never had it with anyone else, so, really, that logic doesn't hold up either. Maybe it's just how long it's been, and how frayed things were at the end. Although even now, they're still all bound up in one another, being wanted physically is an easier thing to process than being wanted emotionally, even with everything that's already been said today. This speaks to something they haven't been in a long time, something he's not even sure they ever expressly decided to be again. He wants that, though, and he likes hearing it, something heady and addictive just in hearing J sound so sweet, maybe especially for what it's juxtaposed with.
Considering the question lets him mask his surprise a little, at least, and it isn't something he wants to rush into answering, anyway. "Like this," he settles on, stealing another glance over his shoulder in J's direction, though he can't see him well enough to try to gauge his reaction. As nice as it would be to be able to look at J, touch him, kiss him, he can do all of those things after. Mostly, though, he's just sort of relieved, if not entirely surprised, that J doesn't suggest being on top of him. S wants that, he does, but it has too much potential for one or both of them to react poorly. That isn't a chance he's willing to take just yet, not when they both want this so badly already. At some point, later, they can try it and see how it goes, but when this could far too easily break, it isn't the time.
"Please. If you want." It's a little contradictory, maybe a little nonsensical, but it feels right to add anyway — a sign of how badly he wants this and a way to make sure J does, too. His own desires aren't the only ones that matter here.
no subject
Considering the question lets him mask his surprise a little, at least, and it isn't something he wants to rush into answering, anyway. "Like this," he settles on, stealing another glance over his shoulder in J's direction, though he can't see him well enough to try to gauge his reaction. As nice as it would be to be able to look at J, touch him, kiss him, he can do all of those things after. Mostly, though, he's just sort of relieved, if not entirely surprised, that J doesn't suggest being on top of him. S wants that, he does, but it has too much potential for one or both of them to react poorly. That isn't a chance he's willing to take just yet, not when they both want this so badly already. At some point, later, they can try it and see how it goes, but when this could far too easily break, it isn't the time.
"Please. If you want." It's a little contradictory, maybe a little nonsensical, but it feels right to add anyway — a sign of how badly he wants this and a way to make sure J does, too. His own desires aren't the only ones that matter here.