그치지 않을 이 노래

There is a part of Jae-eun that is, of course, terribly afraid. It comes from the fact that, for the most part, he isn't scared. He's excited. They're working their way toward their wedding, finally setting details in place now that Jae feels steadier and more prepared.

There's so much to look forward to, so much to hope for. Things are peaceful. It worries him. He can't help that. He's never been able to curb fully the part of him looking for the catch, and that's only become harder to do in the last several years. For a long time there, he couldn't trust any good thing that came along. It's hard to do now, reminding himself again and again that he can be happy without something ruining it. There's no catch to this. It's just hard to make himself feel it.

He tries his best to push that faint thrum of anxiety to the back of his thoughts, though. He just wants to enjoy this. They deserve to enjoy the preparations for their wedding, they get to have this, and he's done letting that darker aspect of himself damage this. He can't evade it or silence it forever, but he's put off the wedding long enough. It's taken too much from him, from both of them. It won't take this.

"We have to figure out when," he muses, arm looped through Sihyun's as they walk. "It's hard to choose where until we have that." He doesn't really want to put it off too much longer, when he's already made Sihyun wait so long and so patiently. He's not sure how he feels, though, about a winter wedding. It's a tricky season for him. So many of their best moments have been in winter, and so many of his very worst. "Mm, Kagura would be nice if it weren't always so crowded."